


so, of course, i jerk my dick

by amputated



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, College, Crack, M/M, Masturbation, future sexual content someday
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 14:13:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11807613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amputated/pseuds/amputated
Summary: this is a non serious fic in the eyes or kuroo tryna fuck tsuki.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in one sitting and i intend for there to be more chapters that get more serious as they go

        He moans and I wax poetic. I want to pause the moment, the moment he throws his head back. He displays his neck to me, trusting like when a cat lets you rub their belly. Shit. I’m not a fucking poet, but Tsuki is without saying a goddamn word. His cheeks grow flushed -- he doesn’t notice my hesitation. I almost ask to take a damn picture, but that would let him know I actually care for more than his dick. Fuck. Instead, I spread his legs further to reach under and push a finger into…BEEP BEEP BEEP  
       My alarm interrupts whatever mess that was. My dick is hard. I’m late for class. My life motto. It’s only the first week of school. Well shit, I guess I just won’t go? Who the hell wants to show up 15 minutes late to a generic Western Civ class? I roll over and open my phone to…no notifications. KUROO, YOU ARE SO POPULAR! I blink rapidly, moving the fog out of my vision…wait, what was I dreaming? Oh Jesus Christ I dreamt about the kid from high school that has no idea I exist again wow cool great WHY AM I SO FUCKING HARD  
       So, of course, I jerk my dick.

* * *

     The student center isn’t really…lively. It’s 4 PM. I’m hungry for the lunch I didn’t have because I set my fucking alarm for the wrong time. I grab some generic value meal shit and pick a booth smack in the middle of the center. I watch people who are clearly running late sprinting around while a few others like me are slowly eating their burgers, completely lost in the college haze. I suddenly worry I smell like semen. Maybe I should’ve washed my hands. I am gross.  
     Suddenly, I hear a familiar voice. Kenma has appeared beside me.  
    “You’re not usually hungry at this hour.”  
    “Yeah, I fucked up.” Does he usually eat at this hour. What the fuck, dude?  
    “I guess that’s relatable.” He pulls out his phone and plays some garbage mobile game I’m terribly used to watching. It grows silent. Ah, the ideal friendship. Kenma and I can goof off when we want, but he probably recognizes we both need some respite right now. I’m still stressing over this goddamn dream and my class and honestly just life in general. He probably senses that since I’m not….well, since I’m not being an obnoxious fuck like normal. He knows I’ll tell him if I feel like it. Which I don’t because who wants to hear that their tall manly buddy is obsessing over this other tall lanky blonde dude whose dick is maybe as big as his dick personality lololol  
    Kenma interrupts my thoughts. “You going to the volleyball party meet and greet thing?”  
    I, completely having forgotten this existed, say vehemently, “YES I AM GOING I LOVE ALCOHOL!” If my memory serves me correct, we get to meet all the volleyball team we’ll be playing with this semester. I scream internally.  
    “Neat. I’ll see you there. I have a meeting with my advisor right now though, so I’ll see you.” He leaves me to slam my head on the table.

* * *

 

     This party fucking suOH MY GOD IS THAT BOKUTO HFUJSDNGEJGIKEDJFK!!! Immediately upon noticing him, he spots me and runs towards me dramatically, crashing into me to hug me in true bro fashion AKA tight and sweaty as hell with lots of yelling. So many faces drift by, most I’ve seen at least vaguely in high school matches…some I’m very familiar with. These details aren’t super worth noting because I spotted Tsukishima and my heart stopped. I honestly didn’t even consider the possibility that I would run into him; however, I am in a fanfic so I should’ve known. He…got even taller? This is alarming. It only makes me want to dominate him more…it’s so fun to see a big submissive. His golden eyes glance at me from across the room and I feel like I’m in a music video until he quickly glances away. I bite my lip and violently sip the beer in my hand. Kenma, who I didn’t realize was beside me, laughs at me.  
    “Yo what u want”  
    “You’re so easy to read, bro.”  
    “What?” Does that mean he can tell my dire need to pork Tsuki? Fuck.  
    “:)”  
   “WELL OKAY THEN” I exasperatedly stomp off  
    Fuuuuuuuck. I have to find a way to talk to him. I pick up what is probably my fourth beer and sip voraciously. Alcohol always gives good ideas. It makes me ramble like 20x more so I can be more social, yknow? As if I already wasn’t social enough. Alcohol we drink is ethanol which is an ethane with an alcohol on it. I hate ochem. I wonder if Tsuki likes ochem. WAIT I CAN ASK WHAT CLASSES HE IS IN YUP SUPER ORIGINAL.  
I make my way to the weird corner couch he’s sitting on. He scowls at me. FUCK. I continue anyway even though he probably hates me. I slide up beside him, awkwardly placing my arms by my sides.  
    “Yooooo.”  
    “Hi?” He quirks his eyebrows. His glasses are lopsided because he’s wine tipsy. At least, that’s what his cup looks like it has in it. Pink. Is that moscato?  
    “What classes you takin’?”  
    “Gen chem and some basic engineering core.”  
    “OOOOOOO. You taken ochem yet?”  
    “No. Should I be wary?”  
    I cackle. “I MEAN PROBABLY. I almost died when I took it, and I’m majoring in chemistry. Then again, my brain isn’t my best quality if you know what I mean.”  
    He giggles. This seems out of character for him. Is he a wine mom?  
    “No really!!” I gradually scoot closer to him because my beer brain is hazing over. He does the same. Mmm, his breath is definitely wine. His lips are soft like marshmallows. If kissing marshmallows is erotic. I pull him into my chest, and the world turns upside down.

    I don't remember anything else.  
    I wake up to several texts from Kenma and an unknown number.   
    What is my life?  
  


 


	2. bitch, what

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kuroo and tsuki try to find out what the hell happened last night after they kissed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slightly (but not very much) more serious as kuroo gets serious up in here. i have the whole thing planned out - it's a miracle.

_Did we fuck last night?_

_By the way, this is Tsukishima._

 Then from Kenma:

_Yo, dude. Everyone saw you and Tsuki kiss last night._

_Did anything else happen? I NEED TO KNOW._

_WAKE UPPPPP._

I roll over and groan, the words not fully hitting me. My brain throbs and my teeth feel all grimy with the remnants of last night’s alcohol and saliva from Tsu….wait, I kissed Tsuki. I KISSED TSUKI. OH MY FUCKING GOD. MY LIFE IS A DAY DREAM. oh my god my dick is hard why does this keep happening. I sit up groggily, rubbing my eyebrows while I slur (can you slur through text? I did it somehow) out a dazed _i_ _dontknow fuckkkkkk_ to Kenma. I have no clue what to say to Tsuki. I don't remember what happened. He doesn't remember what happened. Fuck. This is not good. Why is it not good though? I've had so many one night stands in my life, but none of them have ever led to any...guilt-like feelings. TV-show college parties that end in not-remembered sex is practically my thing. I'm known for this shit. I just...I don't want him to be hurt, I guess, as dumb as that sounds. 

     Kenma still hasn't responded so I send _d_ _id you see anything else?_

I am actually too terrified to respond to Tsuki, so I instead turn on the TV. HELL YEAH AMAZING WORLD OF GUMBALL. I love this shit -- whoever writes it knows something we don't. And oh my god the goldfish dude is one adorable fucker. 30 minutes pass of me screaming at the TV and I feel my phone vibrate. 

     _No, I saw you guys walk off though. And a few others go in and out of the room you were in. You know me man i wasn't paying attention_

God dammit, Kenma. I mute the TV abruptly, and prepare a text to Tsukishima. 

      _Honestly, I don't know._

My phone vibrates almost instantly. 

      _Oh, well thanks. I, uh, kinda would like to know. Suga has been acting weird towards me ever since and said something about his room._

Uh. What. What about his room? Did we fuck in there? But Kenma said other people were going in and coming out. But does that stop two really drunk boys from canoodling in the corner? Hhahaa canoodling in the corner. That should be my band na-KUROO FOCUS. Inhale. Exhale. FUUUUUUCK. My phone vibrates. It's Suga. 

      _Hey, uh, I was wondering if you knew why my sheets were on the sidewalk outside. And what happened to my carpet in the corner. And what the fuck happened to my closet and my closet door. I hate to sound so mean, but rounding up everyone who has been in my room is growing insane._

Bitch, what. Now I'm on a goddamn mission.  _no im sorry but i dont remember at all..who all was in your room besides me?_

_Literally all I have got is Kageyama was...but I've been told by Kenma he saw a lot of people entering..I have my suspicions, but Kageyama won't let anything out._

I slam my phone down and let out a primal scream. I must know. I must. I have to find Kageyama and quick.

      _dont worry dude i'll pry it out of him_

* * *

     Kageyama is taller than I remember. I see a small ginger behind him playing Smash on the....is that a Gamecube? Wow, that's out of character for Kageyama. 

     "Hiiii, Kageyama!"

     "What do you want."

     I scoff. "Wow, um, rude." 

     He remains silent. Wow, what an edgelord. Kageyama and I have always been fine really. I suppose I get him in a way, but I'm not usually in the state of mind that makes me like this. If that makes sense, I mean. 

     "So...Suga texted me and asked why his room was messed up, but I heard you were also in there."

     "Is that a hickey?" 

     BITCH WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN oh my god that is a hickey i have a hickey what the fuck happened 

     "Apparently so. DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT." I violently place my hands on my hips. I am the queen of drama and persuasion. 

     He snickers. "Did asshole give you that? Oh my god." He keeps giggling. "Okay, okay. Just...I'll tell you." He suddenly looks more like an angry man than he already does. "If you promise to not tell a soul." 

      I nod, also violently. I must know.

      "Well. All of Karasuno was playing hide and seek. Hinata chose to hide in the closet. A bunch of us came in there looking for him. That's all."

      "A bunch of you? Who?"

      "I said that's all."

      "COME ON YOU CAN SNITCH ON AT LEAST ONE." 

      "The loud one." ok who the fuck is tha-nishinoya i'm an idiot. Kageyama suddenly slams the door on me. Alright. 

       Next on the mission is Hinata. WAIT HE WAS IN THAT ROOM. I knock again. No one answers. This goes on for 10 minutes before I give up. 

       How do I get in contact with Nishinoya?

* * *

     I found Nishinoya eating a ginormous sandwich in the quad AKA this giant grassy area everyone goes to picnic. He cackles when I ask him about it. 

     "DUDE I THREW A SHEET ON ASAHI IN THERE AND HE WAS A GHOST LOLOLOL." 

     "What."

     "Yeah, but he puked on it? So he threw it out the window. It was hilarious!!!11!!" 

     "What."

     "HIS PUKE WAS PINK BECAUSE HE DRANK SO MUCH MOSCATO AND I MADE FUN OF HIM BECAUSE I ONLY DRINK WHISKEY IM A MAN MAN!11!!!!"

     "What." 

      Whatever he said next was muffled by the sandwich. But now I knew two things: Asahi was also there...and the sheets weren't fucked up because we fucked on them.

     "HE SAID THERE WAS A BUNCH OF SHIT AND CUM ON THE SHEETS NO WONDER HE BARFED!!1!!!" 

     "WHAT."

* * *

      Tsukishima wanted to get dinner. I don't blame him. He orders a plain cheeseburger at McDonald's. That says a lot about a man, I think. For instance, I order a Big Mac. I am a big mac if u kno what i mean. I didn't think about this hard enough because I'm not sure what a plain cheeseburger says about someone.

     "Kuroo, I think I've always had something for you."

     I choke on my Coke (cock) and hack up a lung. "I-I feel..." My entire lung is in my throat. "...the same."

     "Charming." He smirks, and I think more than just my lung is in my throat. 

     "I'm adorable."

     "Quite. Which is part of why I'd like to ask if we can try this again, but slow."

     My entire world stops.

 

 

 


End file.
